“I think you’re going to be a daddy” was the first thing I said to my husband on a Sunday morning 5 weeks ago around 5:30am. He was so excited. I got back into bed, he wrapped his arms around me and said, “You’re gonna to be a great mama.” Then he prayed protection over our sweet tiny child.
A couple hours later I hopped in my car to head to the grocery store & I catched the tail end of a new song playing on my favorite Christian radio station. It went something like:
“I know You hear me. I know You see me, Lord. Your plans are for me. Goodness You have in store. So….Thy will be done, Thy will be done, Thy will be done.”
I thought to myself, ‘WOW, God. You are so amazing. You answered our prayers with this child & you allowed me to hear this song to reassure that this baby is Your plan.’
The next day, I called my OB/GYN to get an appointment to get blood work that would confirm our pregnancy. I hear the song again on the radio but this time I got to hear the entire song and realized it wasn’t exactly a happy song. She had recently gone through a tough time and wrote this song. It’s talking about her heart being broken but she knows God has plans for her.
I get a call back from my doctor that my blood results were extremely low. I was definitely pregnant but they needed to see me back in two days to make sure my numbers were doubling.
My heart sank into my chest.
Thursday rolls around and I return to the doctor to get my blood drawn once again. I called them back Friday morning, I just knew my levels were gonna be back to normal. The nurse says, “Don’t be surprised if you miscarry.” I knew this couldn’t be right.
We prayed for this baby.
Thirty minutes later, the process had started… We lost the baby. I surprisingly took it well, for the time being. I thought to myself, it just wasn’t God’s plan and went on about my day. Then when i got home, it hit me…
I’m not going to be a mama anymore.
Why, God? Why would you let this happen? We prayed for this baby every single day. We fasted for this baby. We are married and in Your will, & somehow people who aren’t even married have babies. Those people don’t even obey Your Word or respect Your authority but they can have a baby and we can’t! This isn’t fair!!
I was mad at God.
Then my aunt texted me some very encouraging words. She reassured me that God doesn’t cause miscarriages, or wrecks, or cancer. That’s just life (and the devil). The Bible doesn’t promise us that we won’t go through hard times. But, He does promise us that He will take care of us and He can make the best out of every situation.
On my way to work one day I heard the radio host reveal why Hillary Scott from Lady Antebellum wrote the song “Thy Will”. She had also recently gone through a miscarriage and realized she had to just trust God’s plan.
It’s like that song was written specifically for me.
I may not understand His will or His plan but I do know that what He has planned for me is so much bigger and greater than the plan I have for myself. I knew He wanted me to draw closer to Him during this time and He is giving me opportunities to speak encouraging words to other women who are going through the same thing. Just know that you are not alone. Approximately 1 in 3 pregnancies end in miscarriage. Some people have them without even knowing that they were pregnant to begin with. Having a miscarriage does not mean you will have more, it is actually an indicator that you can get pregnant. I know you want to be mad at God just like I was, but don’t. It’s no ones fault. Lean on Jesus. Trust His plan for your life.
Isaiah 55:8-9 “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
“Thy Will” (performed by Hillary Scott & The Scott Family)
I’m so confused I know I heard You loud and clear So, I followed through Somehow I ended up here I don’t wanna think I may never understand That my broken heart is a part of Your plan When I try to pray All I’ve got is hurt and these four wordsThy will be done Thy will be done Thy will be doneI know You’re good But this don’t feel good right now And I know You think Of things I could never think about It’s hard to count it all joy Distracted by the noise Just trying to make sense Of all Your promises Sometimes I gotta stop Remember that You’re God And I am not SoThy will be done Thy will be done Thy will be done Like a child on my knees all that comes to me is Thy will be done Thy will be done Thy willI know You see me I know You hear me, Lord Your plans are for me Goodness You have in store I know You hear me I know You see me, Lord Your plans are for me Goodness You have in store SoThy will be done Thy will be done Thy will be done Like a child on my knees all that comes to me is Thy will be done Thy will be done Thy will be doneI know You see me I know You hear me, Lord